Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
