SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
