I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
