she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
