Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
