I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
