apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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