For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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