So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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