Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
