just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
