How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
