the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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