every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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