nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
