well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
