the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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