I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
