Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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