Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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