Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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