I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
