So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
