I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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