so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
