i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
