Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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