I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
