filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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