its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
