i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
too bad you live with your parents still
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
