If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
