WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
