just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Enjoy the penises
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
