My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
