Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
