i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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