Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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