I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
