Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
