did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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