its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
