The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
