I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
