And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
