Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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