You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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