Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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