So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
