i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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