im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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