So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
