YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize