I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize