Betty ford says i'm here all night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
