he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
