I just pynch a tree in the face
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
