It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
