girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
