so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
