so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize