What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
