my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
