smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
