I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
